Monday, May 6, 2013

Monday, May 6, 2013

300 attorneys relocate to Vancouver to profit from suing Clark County
Group sends commissioners a cookie bouquet to thank them for "opening the floodgates"
The floodgates are open.

Over the weekend, 300 attorneys from across the Pacific Northwest moved their offices to Vancouver in order to be "first on the ground" for the expected cascade of lawsuits against Clark County.

"You just don't get opportunities like this every day," said Sheldon McLuhan, an attorney formerly based in Walla Walla. "I think this must be what it was like when the first miners found gold in California."

"The selection and variety here is incredible," said Marcia Finkels, an attorney formerly of Boise. "You've got breaches of employment law, defamation, and failure to follow confidentiality proceedings. And that's just what they did in one afternoon last week. Add in the breaches of state and federal environmental and business law that will come as soon as they vote to remove all permits and fees, followed by everything else that will just go to hell when Don Benton takes the top environmental job... Oh, and then of course since they're removing fees and regulation, it's only a short matter of time before we've also got individual civil lawsuits against the developers and builders who fail to meet state and federal regulations because no one was enforcing it, and their houses, bridges, and fertilizer plants collapse, sink into the mud, or explode." She smiled. "I get exhausted just thinking about how much I'm going to make in the first year alone."

New commissioner and motion control enthusiast David Madore shrugged his shoulders when asked about the wave of litigators making their way to town. "What's the problem? I said I'd open up the floodgates. I think no one could argue that all 300 of those new jobs in Clark County can be directly attributed to me and my fellow commissioner Tom Mielke."


4 comments:

  1. and if you count all the jobs that are going to open up because people have the audacity to be injured or killed by all those houses and bridges and plants collapsing... and the jobs for the clean up crews... why that's a veritable gold mine of jobs!

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  2. I've been waiting for the floodgates to open, so glad it's finally here. I actually heard the other day that Benton had a line on some 245T for a real steal. That should attract even more lawyers. woot-woot!

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  3. Breaking news: Prosecutors Office requests more hiring authority to defend against lawsuits filed by new crush of attorneys moving to Clark County. Commissioners deny hiring authority maintaining their mission is to shrink government, not staff up with even more "bureaucrats."

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  4. We don't need to follow the codes and regulations on construction, safety, stormwater, etc. -- they just get in the way of creating jobs. Next they will ask for a waiver on the state minimum salary requirements and paid overtime because they will be creating all these new construction jobs.

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